Guest post by Kirra Sherman
The biggest pain in life?
Control. You can’t control control, can you? It controls you the more you try and control it. It ignites resistance, which is painful. And it’s the opposite of experiencing the flow of life, where you feel free and open; where it all becomes smoother.
Control ignites resistance, which is painful. And it’s the opposite of experiencing the flow of life, where you feel free and open.
But where does the need to control come from?
You can say it comes from your past (and maybe that’s how your analytical mind understands it), but control comes from a sense of lack.
Ask yourself: If you knew that you had everything you could possibly ever want to have or become, why would you try to control what is happening or not happening? If you feel a lack of love or security, you may try and find a romantic relationship to control, or control the one you have now. If you feel a lack of connection with yourself, you’ll try and create a community that makes you feel connected —which wouldn’t come from a place of service.
If you feel out of control on the inside, you may feel the need to control what you think your circumstances should look like on the outside, or try and control the way others live their lives or how they behave.
If you feel out of control on the inside, you may feel the need to control what you think your circumstances should look like on the outside.
If things aren’t going “your way”, that’s usually when you’ll notice the need to control explodes.
Where else do you see control? If you can’t follow the feelings in your Soul because what you really want to do causes you fear or discomfort, you’ll try and control things that you can control because you aren’t using your courage to follow your love calling.
Have you ever felt to start a new business or leave a relationship, but you were afraid of failing or taking a leap into the unknown? Did you notice that you may have told those around you how to run their lives, or controlled your children or friends or partner out of that pain? It is painful when you suppress your inspiration and creativity. Your thoughts will say your unhappiness originates from your identity problems: your ADHD, how you aren’t responsible and never have any money, or that your childhood was messed up. Anything else but you.
Your problem may just simply be that you don’t follow your heart. You are meant to change your story! And you will, but it matters which part of you makes that change: the resistance and lack, or your Soul?
The truth is that you don’t need a change of circumstances for yourself or others, but a change of awareness in who you truly are. Because if you’re changing your life from resistance, rather than from who you truly are, it won’t make a long-term difference to how you feel on the inside.
You don’t need a change of circumstances, what you need is a change of awareness in who you truly are.
If you change the situation from lack, you’ll be tied to the very thing you changed; it will control you because your sense of wholeness is coming from the situation, not from a connection with your wholeness.
Who you truly are lacks nothing. And everything you seek is a feeling, ultimately: the feeling of connection with who you are. When you control, you feel separate from the connection that you seek with your Soul, and the very thing you do not lack…
You don’t win the game of control. The part of you that fights with control is control itself. You may already know that you have to surrender, but you can’t just surrender to the feeling of lack —that only stops the controlling for a minute. You must go deeper to the feeling that ignites you, and you will feel no lack.
True freedom is to allow your Soul to move you, no matter what that looks like in your circumstances. Ask yourself what your Soul wants to do in this moment. You will come to know your true Self in following that feeling.
Knowing your true Self is knowing you in your Soul —the you that is the source of all the things you experience. If you want to change your life, go to your source. And when you have that connection with the source of you, you will feel no lack, and the need to change your life falls away.
What happens then is beautiful. The desires, willingness, and courage to act on what you love rise to the surface. You simply choose and use everything you love because you are aware you do not lack a thing; there is no role for control when you are one with what you love.
You can beat control, but only by playing a different game: let your Soul move you, and then —the desires, willingness, and courage to act on what you love rise to the surface.
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Kirra Sherman writes, speaks, mentors, and shares about life transformation. You can connect with her at the live events that brought her to experience a complete transformation herself: WTF experience Sydney.